Originally Posted Monday, July 22, 2013
Today I’m a tad “perturbed and worried.”
I’m perturbed, because Jr really believes that he’s wittier than I am. He also believes that “I’m his puppet on a string!”
I say that because despite Jr being diagnosed with Autism; he’s very intelligent and manipulative. Maybe that’s the Gemini within LOL
Now, I’m worried because 5% of me does believe he needs some additional rest.
I’ve had to learn how to discern when Jr is being oppositional on purpose and when it’s situation specific.
When Jr “doesn’t want to do something, especially go to school” he has a “habit” of saying “something hurts or he’s tired.”
Usually, when “it’s natural or situation specific” I can sense it within my spirit that he’s being truthful.
Today was one of those “on purpose” days.
I feel bad for sending him, because I usually “allow” him to stay even against my better judgement.
I feel bad because I’m “tired and need to rest!”
Like really F^&$%^G tired of his school and the changes that have recently been made “Without prior notice, without explanation and that directly negatively impact he and I!”
Then I feel bad because I hate to be looked down on. I don’t like doing things that aren’t justifiable. Keeping him home especially when I don’t “sense” it’s necessary is not justifiable.
It’s bad enough that when I do keep him home, I still believe people are “questioning the validity of my reasons!” I don’t like that at all.
People in general, at times, other parents of children with Autism “just don’t get it!”
These children have sensory and touch issues that impact “everything they do, see, taste, and feel!” I often struggle with accepting this, because of Jr’s wit and abilities.
Being the type of mother I am; I’m often in receipt of “looks of discontent.”
Today, I felt compelled to send him.
I even yelled a bit, because of my frustration.
I said : “Jr what’s really going on? I mean, you ALWAYS say you’re tired, or something hurts; yet when you stay here with me MOST TIMES you’re full of energy. You’re playing on your phone, watching tv, running up and down the stairs to get ice cream, etc.. so what’s really going on? Do you “just” want to stay home?”
Of course, he attempted to repeat “my legs really hurt.”
I said: “ok Jr! Here’s the deal you’re developing a “terrible (bad)” habit with NOT going to school. I will NOT retract my statement nor my intentions, because you’re going to school. The only thing I’m willing to do is compromise and by that Mommy means (make an agreement with you).
After he got dressed, looked at me with so much “disappointment and anger.” I apologized and explained to Jr that I love him, I only want the best for him and I would love for him to stay home and be with me; but “today is not the day for that.”
We agreed that for the next two weeks, HE HAS to go to summer school. It’s over next week; then he’ll be home for approximately three weeks until his regular school year begins.
I also agreed that I’d come and pick him up from school “after lunch” ONLY IF his legs were still hurting and HE requested that they contact me for pickup.
I explained that if the school doesn’t call me, then I will NOT be picking him up early; and he’d ride the school bus home as usual.
Today was on purpose and situation specific.
Jr knew last night that he really didn’t want to go to school today; because he briefly mentioned it.
Jr slept like a baby, literally. IF there was any pain, trust me he slept it off. IF there’s really pain HE WILL have the school call me.
IF there isn’t he’ll come home as he did last week when he tried this and say “Mommy I made it all day by myself!”
Either way I “believe” I made the right decision, despite feeling bad because I love every moment I have with Jr.
Especially the moments where I’d rather scream and pull all my hair out; than to endure our interaction.
However, as a mother and his advocate I have to remain “free of bias” even towards him.
I should treat him or expect anything less from him; than I expect from any other child, especially those also diagnosed with Autism.
We must “subtly push” our children.
I’ve always and will ALWAYS teach people, especially children; that “you must do what you need to do; whether you want to or not, so that later on you can do all that you want!”
As Fantasia would say “sometimes you have to lose to win!”
We must adopt that mentality. Otherwise the smarter our children get, the weaker we’d become.