Originally Posted Monday, July 15, 2013
Today, started like “any other day!”
I woke up “a tad late.” Now, late in my opinion is anytime after 5 am EST. I’m usually “up” whether I’m moving around or not, no later than 4:30 am EST “everyday!”
As a child, I was called a “night owl” now as an adult I’ve been labeled as, in addition to considering myself as an “Insomniac!”
I believe the aforementioned are both true indeed. I still consider myself a “night owl,” because it sounds better to me. Therefore, making me feel better about my “glitch!”
Now today, I had “racing thoughts” the majority of the day! Usually the “racing thoughts” doesn’t bother me, because I’m accustomed to it.
Today however was different. Today was different simply because “things hadn’t been planned to my satisfaction” for today.
Once I realized that “despite” my NEED to control or have a plan of action for every possible detail of my life; it’s not going to happen “in my time!”
I realized that I needed to “pull some patience” from my mental and emotional archive, quickly before my “paranoia and dismay” took over!
As I gazed around my room I remembered “ALL” the things I wanted to do, blog about, daydream about, etc…
Then…… ALL OF A SUDDEN…… I noticed that my AC was still “not quite clean enough.”
So I consciously decided to “Attack it!” LMAO. YES “Attack it!”
In Bipolar the “mania” has to be fed and trained realistically; otherwise the mania is detrimental to all those in it’s path!
I’ve learned how to “feed and train” my mania since I was 13. Primarily without “doctors and government regulated medications.”
I have several homeopathic methods that I indulge in to assist me in that.
As I began to “take apart” my window AC unit, I began to “calm.”
The more I cleaned, the more I sweated and the more “relieved” I felt.
To sum up a long story about cleaning, singing, talking to myself, more cleaning……
I’ll say that I managed to take apart and “thoroughly” clean two window AC units; prepared Jr’s dinner so that upon arrival it could be warmed and he could eat; checked in with my husband via text to let him know about today’s events; washed Jr’s “water day” clothes from school and NOW am blogging!!!
I didn’t think I’d be able to “streamline” my thoughts to even blog this “today!”
There was way too much going on in my mind.
However, what I’ve found to be great, is “working!”
Whether you are employed or unemployed, you can “work!”
Since I’ve decided NOT to be depressed “EVER”……… okay as long as I’m conscious of my “depression triggers.”
Again, since I’ve decided NOT to be depressed, I’ve began to “invest” in my work, which is my life and the message that I wish to give to the world!
I’ve been blogging daily, if not a few times “each” week. I haven’t “indulged in “gossip” with the exception of my discussions surrounding reality tv and current events.
I have “ex-communicated” for more people. I have NO desire to confront or reconcile with ANY of them.
I’m dedicated to “my” life now! My husband is still very loving and supportive of me. Jr’s love for me grows each day, I can see it.
Although Jr doesn’t quite understand what “Mommy having Bipolar means” and him “having Autism.”
He does KNOW that his mother “doesn’t play!” He’s seen and heard me in action. That’s why I have to be careful, even if my “love” for Jr because at times, my mania will have me ready to “attack the entire world!”
Jr at times plays on my mania, because he has seen me “defend” him relentlessly and without remorse.
TAKE WITH YOU:
Just because you have Bipolar doesn’t mean you are “incapable.” It simply means you need a “stronger cape!”
Learn your triggers
Learn your motivators
Learn your common ground
Invest in an alarm clock and schedule “your day” whether you’re at home or at work
Be verbally responsible (meaning tell people how you feel, esp if paranoia or discontent surface)
Be “open minded” in regards to criticism. Allow the “other” person to speak and “listen” to what they are saying, NOT how they say it. You’d be amazed at what you learn about them and yourself.
Be honest and realistic. There WILL ALWAYS be people in your life that won’t be able to accept you. It may even be your parents, spouse, children….anyone is capable of rejecting you.
You must be “prepared” to be emotionally and in some cases physically alone to “Deal with yourself.”
I’ve learned to be my own best friend. You must learn to be your own best friend too.
You’ll thank yourself later!
Ok “Mommy and Wife QT”