#CANDID #PSA: All men aren’t dead beats; MANY have just been beat down!

Originally Posted Monday, July 15, 2013

JUST because some men can’t provide financially doesn’t mean they aren’t providers or accountable!

Sometimes we confuse “accountability” with financial stability! To be spiritually and physically accountable, is stability. Financial stability will come.

Men have hardships also, they are human, are they not?

Some females are girls to their cores, blatant bitter bitches marching to the beat of their own drums. They have “unresolved issues, insecurities, immaturity and un-accountability” that until addressed and altered, the cycle will continue.

Unless a man begins to speak out on his own behalf and NOT allow his character to be defamed or diminished; he has witnesses that can bear “credible” witness on his behalf; or last but certainly not least LOL, get’s a (woman) wife like me “who doesn’t allow the deformation of character or the passive aggressiveness from the father”, he may suffer tremendously.



More men need to “request custody” of their children; many CAN do it, but FEAR they won’t win b/c of the bias court system.

Trust me, more of you CAN AND WILL win than you care to know.

I’m currently and will forever be “immeasurably” blessed, because I’m raising my son “in love” and not in “overbearing uncompromising, expectations.”

I came into my relationship/marriage being “fully aware” of the pros and cons.

I was also “independently and fully prepared” to be a mother and wife! I understood the “responsibilities” that came with each role, and I made a conscious decision to “adhere” to them within reason.

My mother and father raised me “traditionally.” Meaning it’s God, the man, then the woman in the household. The man is to be the “provider and the overseer.” The woman is to function quite similar to an “executive administrative assistant = she maintains the affairs of the home, from accounting to spiritualism.”

Now, because of “women’s liberation” my mother explained to me that many women “have lost respect and loyalty for their roles, that were previously highly esteemed!” She explained that women NOW are in competition with the men, they wish to unite with. Women are “obtaining jobs” in fields where only men dominated once.

She claimed that she admired it, however she did not agree entirely. My mother explained that when God brings two people together to procreate or marry; no man can put that asunder. However; in exercising your free will, it’s possible to “taint” what God made pure and holy! Therefore once it’s been tainted, God’s wrath will come upon all parties involved directly or indirectly!

She also explained that “rarely” are you as a woman; put in a position with a man that God won’t bring you through; unless you’ve put your “faith” into the man and NOT into what God WILL DO “through” that man!

There’s a difference!

Therefore, I’m clear on everything.

I and women like myself, fully understand the “negative impact” NOT having his father’s presence in his life will have.

My father in my opinion was a damned dead beat because he got high on crack/cocaine, was publicly promiscuous and was always abandoning us to indulge.

Yet he was “a father!”

However, he was “in the home” majority of the time and he provided what he could when he could.

The love he tried his best to show me even in his anger, is immeasurable…. that’s what these females and children with entitlement issues need to understand and accept.

IF you keep God first, humble yourself; do your part without malice intent……

TRUST ME the blessings that God will give to you , the other parent and your child/ren will be immeasurable…

You all should know (if you know me) how I do, I can’t be modest about it (this matter).

I’ve encountered these type of females “Far too long.” These type of females are a hot mess!

I mean I’ve had to “ex-communicate” from family members, friends and co-workers, because they were “unjustly” attacking and defaming their child or children’s father, without taking accountability for their “role” in the present state of affairs.

Like how is “Every man that you’ve had a child with some shit or a deadbeat? but your a bouquet of roses?” Have a seat with your delusional ass!

I’ve seen these “type” of females who work everyday; they “neglect” the child or children and overcompensate by “buying their love and respect” which ALWAYS turns to bite them on the ass.

A few of these type of females end up “calling the father or fathers who they’ve defamed and attacked, for help financially or physically” now forcing the child to co-exist with and respect him and they never were taught that. So it makes things worse before they get better.

Many females I’ve grown up with and encountered , ARE these type of females! These “type” of females “in their own way” have despised me!

Being the “woman” I am; I’ve made “every” realistic attempt possible to be “amicable/co-exist” with them. ALL attempts failed!

The attempts failed NOT because we are all headstrong females; but because these “type” of females “have deep-seated hatred for my father, my first love, especially my husband and  more examples of men like them.”

Meaning men like them are ‘free spirited’ to some extent yet loyal and dedicated, so long as there isn’t any unnecessary pressure, drama, or expectations.

These are type of men that ‘women are head over heels in love with’ so long as that man is buying what she wants, stroking her ego through sexual gratification, dealing with her bullshit and not defending himself.

Once those type of men have had enough and FINALLY decide to walk away versus becoming physically, emotionally or financially abusive to the females; they’re character is defamed indefinitely, especially if the ‘girl’ defaming it has no intention on admitting to her role as well as being grateful for the time they had shared together.

I say ‘girl’ because many females that are of the adult age, are not women. They are girls to their core and that’s why you’ve had to deal with their got damned tantrums…. for so long…

think about it….. anyway…

They also have “discontent and insecurities” surrounding the fact that neither them or the children they have together “stopped him from moving on with his life and keeping them at the top of his list of priorities.”

I can “sense” this based upon the girls “need” to attempt to control or be relevant.

Mind you, I’ve done all my homework…… and let me tell you, these females really, really need to “soul search” and be honest not only with themselves, but their children as to “why” their father is NOT in the home, but still present in their life “as best he can be.”

What also irritates the shit out of me is the ‘ignorance and oblivion’ of these obviously brainwashed children who have the nerve to have discontent towards their father, when if he really was as bad ‘as your mother says he is’ then why does he answer his phone when you call, why were you allowed to come and live with him on more than one occasion, why do you have a current address for him that you can visit at your leisure and free will, why does he still make his child support payments when he can barely provide for himself, why is he constantly ridiculed for providing for his new family, when it’s really not ALL his fault why he isn’t in the home with you… why is it that he’s had ‘a few long term relationships’ in some cases the men have remarried, yet your ‘angel’ of a mother can’t seem to keep a man if she paid him….

I’m just saying some of you children are ignorant as shit. You’re aloof and ungrateful, because materialistic’s can never supersede the presence of your parent.

Given the fact that men, usually “Start another family” and move forward with their lives; without honestly, speaking “providing” closure to the family they’ve chosen (indirectly forced or directly forced) to leave.

A lot of men “leave” because they know it’s only going to lead to physical abuse on their end, because of the female’s overbearing attitude and verbal and/or financial abuse.

Females are “very” abusive when they believe they are “owed” something!

A lot of females “believe” that a man “owes” them their life and everything in it, because they have a child or children together.

This is NOT true!

That man doesn’t owe you or those children “anything” but love!

Anything else is dessert after the dinner!

Over the past 17 years that I’ve dealt with men; and the last 10 yrs I’ve been with my husband “everything” these “type” of females have attempted to say about him and men like him; has been proven wrong!

My husband and men like him are NOT dead beat “fathers.” However, my husband specifically has been “beat down” by several females; including his mother, his children’s mothers, exes, peers and myself; me – his current wife and youngest child’s mother!

The amount of “verbal abuse” he’s (and men like him) have endured that I’ve witnessed, amazes me that “we aren’t somewhere in a damned ditch, cold and unaccounted for!”

I am ever so grateful that God was able to place forgiveness in the heart of my husband; because I too HAD “entitlement” issues.

I then soon remembered what I loved to hate about my mother and father’s marriage.

Once I remembered that and my “capabilities” through my faith and reverence in God, nothing could stop me!

My husband’s (and men like him) faith in and reverence for God, is what I admire about them and love about my husband so much.

Their truly “God fearing/reverencing men.”

Keeping God first is a “way of life” for my husband and men like him; not an affirmation!

The fact that he and I are both “rooted” in the church as it relates to our upbringing “equips” us with the spirituality needed to not only survive, but thrive in this world!

I fully understand “wearing the whole armor of God!” Not many “adults” do. They claim to “be God fearing” yet they do everything God says NOT to do with little to no remorse.

I am the type of “woman” that understands ANYTHING God brings me to; he’ll bring me through!

My husband has been the provider, when I was struggling to “get it together!” I’ve provided for my family, when my husband injured his ACL.

We have taken and still take turns and we work as a team! TEAM WORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK…. I can’t remember where I got that quote LOL but you’re following me I’m sure ….

Had I been like “the type of females” I’m describing; the moment his money got funny, so would I.

REMEMBER, I was raised traditionally by old school parents who have the belief system that “family units should be ran” with God 1st, the man and then the woman because technically a man and woman who procreate are “supposed” to be seeking a union, which we call marriage.

Now I do hold to that, remember my mother explained to me “that there are RARE occasions” where a woman HAS to hold her man and family up!

God will give you the strength, wisdom and means to do so, IF your faith is in God and NOT in man….

Need I remind you “most” of these “type” of females: have cheated on these men; lied to them about their pregnancy or the paternity initially and in some cases ongoing; been verbally abusive; been financially abusive and overbearing; and last but certainly not least uncompromising.

One thing “A real man” doesn’t want is a woman so strong that she can’t humble herself to him, his strength and his skills/potential.

We are NOT the supreme being, MAN WAS, IS and WILL FOREVER BE!

Once these females who are: headstrong; independent; I can do it all by myself; I don’t need or want a man until I’m lonely and extremely horny with no AA batteries “Adopt” that mentality ((God will give you the strength, wisdom and means to do so, IF your faith is in God and NOT in man)) we will be fighting this battle until the second coming of Christ..


Now there are “other” types of men who “unintentionally” become dead beat dads; because of their lack of accountability and buoyancy. Some men “once” they realize they can’t move forward with a woman because of several things; they move on!

Men are simple, they feel, they plan, they proceed. Not much else happens.

Once a man has “concluded” this isn’t going to work; emotionally he’s “cut off.”

There aren’t anymore “Feelings” for or about you; because to have feelings, would in their opinion “mean being in denial!”

In the midst of them being “buoyant” most men, “forget” that closure is needed not only for the female they are leaving, but the child/children involved from that relationship or lack thereof.

All children ARE NOT born from “solid monogamous” relationships and that’s another issue that a lot of men and women don’t want to “discuss candidly!”

Back to my point….

Men who are “Beat down” tend to “keep their emotions suppressed” therefore to the woman/women they have children with, suddenly thinks he’s “being mean, distant, etc.” when in fact he’s protecting himself against “feeling” for you in anyway.

Once a man “stops” feeling for you; that’s it! There’s no coming back!

I don’t care how much cursing you do; demanding, etc.. he’ll never “comply” to the extent “you desire” IF he complies with “you”  at all.

What I challenge ALL females that have labeled their child or children’s father as “a deadbeat dad” to SOUL SEARCH and “honestly” be accountable for their role in the relationship.

Ask yourselves, is there something I did? Something I didn’t do? Something I said?

Most females will find if they simply “calm down” and humbly “ask” God to guide them in asking the man for closure, they’d be surprised at what they learn not only about themselves, but their previous spouse/co-parent.

I had life changing conversations with my father, first love, and husband years ago.

I am ever so grateful for those conversations specifically!

No, my father and I weren’t as close as we once were prior to his death. No, my first love and I aren’t as close as we once were and that’s for obvious reasons:

1. I destroyed property that was in either of their possession, because I had an episode that was a direct result of “my insecurity.”

2. I betrayed his trust in me and love for me.

3. I struggled with accepting the reality of the situation at hand and the possibility of things to come.

All the aforementioned men value loyalty and honesty over all!

As I’ve gotten older and had several relationships, I always “used” those relationships solely for the purpose of comparing and contrast.; it validates “how far I’ve come” and “how far I’m capable of going!”

After those conversations, especially the initial “in depth” one with my husband and the “reality” of everyone “respecting each other’s character, behaviors and situations” I was overwhelmed with joy!

I was overwhelmed with joy, because big pieces of my life “involved and to some extent still involves them.”

To lose that, what would become of me, my memories, etc..?

I can’t imagine “being the type of woman” that once “loved” someone and NOT being able to have a general conversation with them…

I can’t imagine “being the type of woman” that harbors hate for a man that I once loved and NOT being able to be happy for him…

I believe that when you “truly love” someone you WILL “love them always.”

You will support the positive changes and people that enter into their life.

I urge all women to “really soul search” and be honest about your role in the relationship.

Even if you can’t “talk to the man” you can write him a letter! You don’t have to mail the letter, but you can purge through the writing. You can provide yourself closure, simply by being honest with yourself and your child or children. You can pray on it. You can seek counseling. There’s several things you “can do” IF you “want” to.

Women what’s the harm in saying:

“Mommy was a whore so daddy left”

“Daddy and I really weren’t dating when we got pregnant, we weren’t even friends, honestly, we barely knew each other”

“Mommy and Daddy loved each other but we weren’t IN love”

“Daddy didn’t do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, so I pushed him away with my demands and behaviors”

“I filed child support on him after I told him I would NEVER do it, or I filed child support after I realized that he wasn’t responding to me the way I wanted him to, I filed child support on him because I became insecure about how quickly and effortlessly he appeared to move on with his life or the RARE ACTUAL REASON I was really down on my finances and I honestly didn’t care where I got the help from so long as I didn’t have to beg for it I did or didn’t know how it would impact his life, but I didn’t care, b/c again I felt that I was doing what I needed to do at that time”

“Daddy doesn’t deal with liars and cheats, unfortunately Mommy has been both”

“I’m not sure exactly why Daddy left but you need to know we both love you”

There’s a lot more that can be said from the woman…. however there are many men that need to provide closure to themselves, the children and within reason the previous spouse

Men what’s the harm in saying:

“There’s a lot that you don’t know about your mother and I, in an effort to avoid defamation of her character and mine, I won’t divulge, but please understand the relationship and the environment it existed in was unhealthy/detrimental. ”

“I was NEVER IN LOVE with your mother, my love for her WAS obligatory not pure”

“I wasn’t ready for the level of commitment she desired, but I attempted to accommodate against my better judgement and personal needs”

“I didn’t even know I was paying child support until a year or two into it, I became angry and I simply avoided her and everything associated with her, unfortunately that includes you, to avoid conflict”

“I learned I was paying child support a short time AFTER revealing to her that I was now dating or about to get married/remarried”

“I apologize if you’ve felt abandoned, that was not my intent nor my realistic actions.”

“I’ve always been here for you 100% spiritually and physically, because of your upbringing primarily under your mother; are you confusing that with not being able to provide 100% monetarily? there’s a difference”

Again, there’s so many more things that can and should be said.

Yet, will they be? Probably not!

All I can say to women like myself who are currently in relationship with a man that’s been “labeled” or “considered” to be a dead beat dad, I urge you to keep your faith in God!

Stand your ground and in due time the truth will prevail!

The aforementioned “type” of men and women’s true character will show.

It takes some people a few moments, months and others a few years to “Show you who they truly are!”

Don’t be dismayed by their actions or their words. God “knows and sees” all.

To the women who are “defaming” the characters of “good accountable, present, father’s” I urge you to purge and make amends.

IF you have ruined the relationship to the extent that you and this man “Have little to no communication” then I urge you to “make amends via your children!”

So many children have been raised and are still being “brainwashed” into believing that their fathers are “worthless” because they lack financial stability.

SOME fathers, not all, lack financial stability as a direct result of the “Child/children’s mothers”, physical disabilities, mental disabilities and more that the “women” are either overlooking or could care less about.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the “thinking” behind that, however, I KNOW that if you keep God first he will provide!

Sometimes we confuse “accountability” with financial stability! To be spiritually and physically accountable, is stability. Financial stability will come.

They are different and we as adults must learn to comprehend and respect that for “What it is” not what we want it to be!