Often times I find myself frustrated because either I’m trying to “control” how my husband parents or he’s trying to “control” how I parent.
His style is relaxed, inconsistent and enabling. My style is aggressive, consistent and demanding!
We’ve bumped heads on several occasions and topics over the years.
I’ve blatantly ignored his advice because looking at his “other children” and the upbringing he was only 50% involved with 80% outside of the home they were primarily raised in; there’s nothing I can say I want my child to repeat or be exposed to!
I say this because those children have no “sincere” love for him. It’s all about what he can do for them. Their mother’s are bitter girls, who I don’t ever want to be like nor do I want myself or child exposed to them.
Now in the beginning he was a great help because his knowledge worked well with my demands.
Once Jr reached age 3 I was full of knowledge and intuition and at that point I didn’t need his or my mother in laws advice.
Despite our constant “battle of wits and power struggles” we’ve managed to “this far” raise an exceptionally well behaved, well mannered, intelligent, humble, chivalrous son, that also is diagnosed with #Autism.
I am “the face” of the White Family. I’m who you see and know primarily. My husband is known but not on the scale I am.
I’ve had to remind him to “do what he can” versus trying to alter what I’ve done or am doing, especially if he believes his way is better or best. I also am committed to doing the same!
I’ve had to humble myself to accept his way of doing things (because most of it works) despite the fact I disagree or blatantly disapprove!
I encourage parents especially those of children with Special needs to learn how to “agree to disagree!”
That’s also inclusive of “each person carrying their weight!”
Carrying your weight consists of “doing things you would usually or prefer to delegate; being innovative versus close minded and arrogant; showing initiative versus awaiting instructions or requests!” Those are the essentials in my opinion, each co-parent will need to include what they believe is beneficial to their situation and needs.
If you’re frustrated with your co parent “inquire” about switching responsibilities for one week.
I can guarantee that 90% of the men who take their woman’s or wives responsibility for one week will be “ever so grateful, understanding and appreciative” of you afterwards. The same applies to 90% of the women who’ll take on their man’s or husband’s responsibility. She’ll understand why she’s a woman. She’ll admire your hard work and determination.
The remaining 10% will NOT admit the truth regarding the difficulties they faced during that experiment. They’ll make you believe it was “easy breezy!”
Mind you, they will not volunteer to do it again. Trust.
I just want parents to understand its not about “whose right or whose wrong, whose better or whose worse!”
It’s all about being honest, consistent, with the child, while providing what’s best for the child in all that you do!
Agreeing to disagree is the best way to resolve most power struggles, arguments, and bitterness.
It will also keep you two attracted to each other and amicably attached so that your co-parenting experience is the absolute best.
How you two interact now alongside raising your child, is indicative and determinate of your child’s behavior into adulthood towards the two of you, their views on family and more.
That’s why I love our “differences” because Jr may witness us disagreeing, sometimes even arguing; but he “always” see’s us make amends and reach a happy medium (compromise) that’s in the best interest of the family, especially him (Jr).
Please be mindful of the impact it has on the child or children.
Understand bitter, insecure, materialistic, unaccountable, dishonest, disloyal, inconsistent people don’t just appear. Some are products of broken homes whether the parents were married or not. Children of divorced parents tend to be worse than children of single parents if raised in a broken home!
**A broken home is broken long before any form of abuse or a divorce takes place! **
No different than stars, entrepreneurs, well mannered, well behaved, honest, loyal people don’t just appear they are products of brick homes whether the parents were married or not. Children whose parents were married or still are tend to be better. They have a sense of stability, accountability and consistency that others don’t because they were raised in a brick home.
**Brick home is a solid upbringing surrounding your parents philosophies and family values, that they intend for you to live by or loosely base your life on. **
Understand what you’re getting involved in when you start deciding to have children.
Commit to “agreeing to disagree” for the greater good!