Focused.. In spite of..

Ten years ago I was going through it. I was “homeless” meaning I had an address where I didn’t reside. I was living in a hotel amongst people who weren’t my family. They were far from it.

The woman (I’ll refer to as Cunt N) whose younger brother I’d dated “off and on again” between “02-04” had a consulting service where I was given the role of “Human Resources Consultant.”

I had taken the GED exam but hadn’t obtained it because I failed the Math section by 10 points.

She (Cunt N) really believed I believed her bullshit. I did initially, but it took a few weeks before I realized she was hustling us all!

My assumptions manifested throughout the stay at the hotel, where I basically became the primary consistent provider for her, another adult female, a young man my age and his younger sister and her son who were also there.

My days seemed to run into each other. I lived in a daze. It was all about the hustle!

I knew what I wanted, needed and was capable of. I also knew I wouldn’t blossom in this garden!

I silently created and calculated my “hustle” to get me out never to return to them or those circumstances again.

I asked God to guide me and protect me as he always does, but to show me my future so that I may steadfastly work towards it.

I literally had a dream. Then my brick wall went up around my heart, my mind was locked in tunnel vision and my feet carried me down a “specific” path leading to my prominence!

The further away I got spiritually the angrier she became while attempting to be more manipulative. It was too late.

I already dreamed of smothering her (I usually have a recurring dream of physically harming someone when my time with them is coming to an end), begun to create my own business plan drafts, setup GED Math courses to get that completed and looked at colleges since that too was something I wanted to accomplish.

Once I moved out of that hotel room, then finally the hotel altogether; things improved.

I had a man, I received my GED, I was working in a entry level management position for a new store on the east coast.

Especially after I got my GED my life took flight.

Now honestly speaking had I done better by my opportunities I wouldn’t be here now complaining.

I encourage you as I continue to encourage myself “Focus on what you want. Be determined to get it, no matter who, what gets in your way or clings to you. Eventually those who truly weren’t riders will fall by the waist side and you’ll be leaving them in the dust!”

I’ve always “felt” how I feel about a situation but I’ve NEVER allowed it to negate what I know is real.

IF I’ve allowed my feelings to do the driving, I always crash and burn!

When my “determination” drives…. Oh baby, what a beautiful breath taking ride! I learn, I teach, but most importantly, I accomplish a great deal along the way!

Again, Focus on what you know is real versus how you feel or how others make you feel.

If 90% of your dealings with someone or something don’t make you feel good, it shouldn’t be in your life because it’s only going to bring you down first spiritually then physically and once that happens it’s hard to get back up IF you can get up at all!

I’ve come so far. I still have a way to go, but I’m focused.. In spite of. Are you?