I’m grateful for my life and those in it. I’m thankful for my “decisions” because they’ve all gotten me to the place I’m currently in. No regrets. Honestly. I have some “you need to make better use of your time and those you spend it with” moments, but no real regrets.
I am remorseful to those I’ve hurt in anyway. I won’t retract statements I’ve made; I refuse to allow people to make me feel bad or guilty for something in the past.
I no longer acknowledge those who don’t acknowledge or appreciate me.
I’ve in the past allowed my “hate, disapproval or ignorance” for myself primarily and others secondarily to consume and distract me.
So, again “I’ve learned how to make better use of my time and those I spend it with!”
Being married hasn’t been “smooth sailing” primarily because I have “Bipolar Disorders”, he has “baggage” from other relationships, children also, I’ve got baggage from other relationships and our child together Jr has “Autism.”
Please note the “lessons” we’ve learned outweigh the baggage.
Grant it, at times I know I’m difficult to handle.. I’m a Virgo, my husband is a Scorpio, Jr is a Gemini. Know that the struggle is real! LOL
Yet the love and determination is even realer! My husband and I weren’t supposed to be married, and I didn’t foresee being “one of his children’s mother’s” I really didn’t…. because of several mutual affiliations and based on how, through whom, where and what our lifestyles consisted of when we met.
Yet, you honestly can’t help “who you fall in love with” you can only help yourself “up and out if it” after you’ve fallen.
My husband knew going in my condition and what it entailed. I knew going in “to an extent” what it entailed, because it was “my” first time being married (his second), my first time being a parent (his fifth with the third woman), my first time being a step parent (something he’s never been), and my first time being a step grandparent (he was already a grandparent obviously).
I was excited and nervous. I had great plans for “the family!”
The family “didn’t want” that. No matter how I’ve “been amicable, humbled myself, tried to help, they’ve all blocked ALL efforts!”
I have turned in my “step mother’s/grandmother’s” card for a “step off indefinitely” card. I have stopped putting forth any efforts to bring either family together.
My family and I were already estranged so I informed him from the beginning. I had a feud intensely and internally with “my family.”
It was quarantined, rectified and I’ve fully restored one relationship while the others I’ve made amends as much as their forgiveness or lack thereof would allow.
Going forward, Jr will not affiliate with the likes of anyone who doesn’t have the intellect or humility to appreciate and associate with us “for who we are” not what we can give/what they can get!
That’s all inclusive of friends, family etc.
My husband coming from a family who has people already suffering from and/or living with mental illnesses he was already familiar and emotionally prepared.
He’s a man of God, as I’m a woman of God. Our faith in God is primary.
We love and “believe in” each other yet our ultimate faith always and primarily remains with God.
He knows that I’m a very kind, loving person until your ignorance, arrogance, false sense of entitlement and betrayal become factors. If you can be honest, consistent, and intellectual I’ll be great to be around, otherwise you’ll feel agitated by your every thought of and encounter with me.
I know my husband is loyal, faithful, consistent, humble and buoyant.
My husband takes things in stride. He doesn’t let much bother him. He takes “problems in” and thinks, speaks, and manifest “Solutions outwardly!”
I love and admire that about him. I tend to address it “on sight” I do my best to not allow time to come in between myself and an issue.
Although we’re different in many ways, it’s great to have that!
We don’t “mince words or hoodwink” each other. We keep it as honest and consistent as possible.
We teach Jr about his diagnosis and what that entails. We teach Jr about my diagnosis, that of his Schizophrenic Aunt who resides with us, in addition the diagnosis of others in the family.
Jr won’t be a victim of his diagnosis. He won’t be oblivious to his or anyone else’s.
We’ve explained that everyone with a “special need” whether it’s a “developmental delay or mental illness” won’t and many don’t have a “legal diagnosis” so don’t be ashamed or afraid living your life through faith in God and being “in the know!”
Be ashamed and afraid for those who are living in “denial, oblivion and overcompensation!”
We work independently and as a “unit/team” to get things accomplished.
We share the “household” responsibilities and we rotate roles (realistically within reason).
We keep “people out” of our business! Family, friends, etc aren’t “allowed to determine” our relationship status.
We hear you, we understand, we just don’t oblige. What God brings together no man can put asunder!
My husband and I “coming in” had and “still have” an exit plan because we didn’t foresee us even being married. We only saw the love we’d begun to fall into.
We know that it takes faith in God, “real love”, honesty, consistency, accountability, fidelity, and versatility to sustain a marriage for the long-term.
Yes, we all have a breaking point. My husband and I are aware of that and we’re not afraid.
Yet, failure and giving up isn’t optional for us.
Being honest and accountable has made us last. We’re still here, still standing not worried about the future. Looking forward to it, definitely.
I encourage you to be honest. Educate yourself on “diagnosis” of your loved ones, you’ll surprise yourself with what you learn and accomplish by doing so. STOP looking down on people because “their living in the know” of their diagnosis, meanwhile you probably should have one!
Understand anything worth having won’t come easy. Anything you want to last a lifetime needs “Special and consistent” care and attention if not restoration!
Know that “life is truly what you make it” with the exception of the few things that aren’t in your control.
Know when to step up and out and when to sit down and shut up!
Love your partner and your children more than you love yourself.
Be about your business. Don’t compare or concern yourself with the business of others; you’re you for a reason, realize and manifest it.
Make time to “sustain” your strong family ties through prayer, family gatherings, family planning etc.
Marriage isn’t about just you two, it’s about the child/children, family, friends, etc who are watching, listening and witnessing it all whether they acknowledge (speak on it) or not.
You’re a leader. You’re an example for others.
Don’t be ignorant and selfish enough to believe your relationships only impact you. They impact everyone around you, especially your children, family especially immediate and close friends etc.
Be mindful of the “path” you’ve left behind, because you never know whose following you!
Take pride in what you believe in, stand for and how it manifests in your life.
Last but not least remember my mottos: Tweet from HBIC_PHILANTHROPY (@HBIC_TIFFANY)
#Love me or #Hate me. If you love me, you’ll shake me. If you hate me, you’ll continue to because you simply can’t take me! Either way “my best” is what you’ll make me! Know that it’s nothing more or less.
“People in your life will either be a ‘stepping stone, speed bump, or a road block’ ALWAYS REMAIN impenetrable & unstoppable” #HBIC