#CANDID: Females ….. Why are you “mentally” locked up (incarcerated) with him? When you’re “physically” free. #Relationships #Incarceration #Loyalty #Enabling #Communication

I’m appalled at the extent some “females” will go to for the males in their lives who are behind bars.

For some I try to understand within reason, for others I just feel sorry for.

I’ve witnessed countless incidents where females have been physically and verbally abused prior to these males being incarcerated and it continues even while they’re incarcerated.

How do you females do it, time and time again?

Even I’m guilty of writing letters, etc; but that again was “within reason and at my convenience!”

It’s been at least “12 years” hmm maybe 15, a long ass time LOL since I’ve actually supported a male locked up to the extent I realized I was mentally locked up with them.

It got to a point where I looked over some vault records and confirmed these were habitual criminals who were to their core problematic children I.e., “boys to their cores.”

I made a conscious decision to limit my connections and contact with those incarcerated.

I was and will forever be done with the antics and oblivion.

These males thrive off their ability to maintain their standards while living in federal penitentiaries.

They are more concerned with being sent money so they can email, postal mail, make calls, buy clothes, shoes etc; than they’ll ever be with reforming.

Even recently, as in “this year already and all of last year” I’ve seen it continue.

Females are being verbally abused and physically, specifically financially and emotionally while these males are incarcerated.

They’re being spoken to any kind of way! 

Yet, they still send their money.

They’re being rushed, ridiculed, and reprimanded all by a criminal. A person who isn’t in a position to even think about what someone else is doing wrong to the extent they’re chastising them. 

What hold does he have “on you?”

Oh he’s your son. And?

Oh he’s your son or daughter’s father? And?

Oh he’s your husband. And?

Oh you’ve known him so long, he’s been there for you in the past so you feel obligated etc. And?

You miss him. And?

You really think he’s going to change “this time.” And?

He’s changed a little. And?

You “need him.” And?

You love him. And?

I’m just saying, I’ve heard all the excuses.

Honestly, in the past I’ve said a few Lmao.

So, please miss me with the attempts to put me on a guilt trip for speaking the truth.

Please miss me with the attempts to have my “agree” with you. Understand on this “topic” I’ll NEVER agree with anyone who enables another person, especially a female who enables a male. 

You need to calculate the money you spend monthly on “financing” his failures.

You’re rewarding him for his crime. You’re showering him and he’s not even dripping on you!

You’re drunk in love and he’s sober in his cell.

You’re a damned fool!

Your desperate.

The question is “are you better than that or is that befitting to you?

Do you deserve better?

Better still, do you need better?

Do you want better?

Is he your ideal mate?

If you divide how you feel about him by what he actually contributes, what are you left with?

Does the years he’s been free outweigh the years he’s been physically incarcerated, keeping you mentally locked up with him?”

I mean y’all are sad. Like seriously sad.

Y’all rushing home from work to send money, or check emails and voicemail to see if they’ve reached out.

You’re doing exactly what they’re telling you to do! 

NOT realizing that “he couldn’t do what he knew he should do or was told to do” when he was free!

Yet, he’s “compliant while incarcerated and is now equipped to tell you how you should be living?” SMH LMAO Sweetheart, wake up… or move in closer and let me smack some sense into you!!! 

You’re allowing them to make you feel bad because they’re incarcerated.

Are you that desperate? To control. To be relevant. To be paid some attention. To feel like you’re needed and appreciated. To know you’re being advantage taken and continue to allow it.

Are you that needy?

Can’t you stand alone?

Couldn’t you stand better and with more confidence with a male who actually deserves all that and will reciprocate without arrogance, future disrespect, and repeating offenses awaiting?

What kind of hold does he have on you?

Do you even know?

Do you want to know?

Are you comfortable with him?

Are you ready to deal with it, once you find it out?

I really want to know.

On the other hand, I don’t.

Honestly, I’ll be rude anyway because it’ll never make sense why “females” allow themselves to mentally be locked up while they’re physically free.

I’ll never understand the logic in a female entertaining a male in any aspect especially the possibility of a “productive” relationship with a male whose incarcerated.

If a male is locked up at least twice in 8-10years really within 5-7 of knowing him and he serves 2-5 he’s not going to change.

IF in those rare occasions he does it will take time, that I’d suggest you not hold your breath for.

Now there’s rare occasions where they’ll serve under 10 maybe even 15-20 and come home reformed.

You’ll for see it based on your interactions or lack thereof with them.

However most cases I’ve seen this happen in are those who had to make it on their own in jail.

They may have had someone helping them out but not “completely footing their bills!” 

Yes, some had a grudge because people didn’t write etc but they came home and took care of themselves.

Even those that didn’t hold a grudge, were focused turned their lives around and from what I know haven’t been in anymore serious trouble since.

I encourage you females to take your mental freedom back and stop allowing someone locked up, to lock you up.

You need to stand your ground and invest that money, time and energy into someone or something that you’re actually going to get a return on.

95% of the males locked up aren’t ever reforming even if they’re released. They’ll keep selling you dreams and spending your money on their failures and farces.

The 5% will come home and make a difference. They’ll walk a new path. They’ll give back to their families and communities

Help me, help the “males” who will be men will the proper assistance, guidance and ambition; so that those percentages can be 95% reformed, 5% incapable. Versus the way the percentages are looking now. 

Please leave your thoughts, experiences and opinions below! Thanking you in advance.