“Be determined; not desperate!”



You’ve got to be determined to “get what you deserve” out of life. If you’ve been knocked down in life, don’t become desperate! Most times we make mistakes, sometimes we’re unprepared, other times we’ve simply sold ourselves short.

Often times many of us waste our potential and time being “hopeless romantics, serial daters, job hoppers, neighborhood/city hoppers, victims, and more!”

Meanwhile others are maximizing on their potential and time by “refusing” to accept anything less than the best = what they deserve.
Some us work for people, date people, help people, etc that aren’t on our level either intellectually, physically, or financially; if not all the above.

Once you’ve accepted yourself completely, it empowers you to “demand what you deserve!” Your determination to succeed will, well it should, prevent you from being desperate!

We all have our “weak (desperate)” moments or situations, however once you’ve realized that “you need, deserve and can obtain better” it’s time you work for it.

It’s time you wipe your tears, beat down your fears, and bury your oppressors and move forward knowing “you’ll reap what you sow” once you’ve let go of all that tries to pull you below….



#CANDID #PSA: Men where are your morals? STOP being so easy!!!

Originally Posted Monday, July 22, 2013


PER MY FACEBOOK STATUS: Talk about ‪#‎Creep‬! Okay, so I’m walking to go to Jr’s summer school location and one of my “neighbors” notices me and he immediately says: “hey I never see you over here on this side. 

What brings you out and over?” I LOL and respond “that’s true, however I have a son who attends school here! Have a good day!” ( I keep walking)

 this “desperate man” goes on to “invade my privacy” by saying: “Oh good Mommy, how old is your son?” I said: “Wooooooo! What difference does that make? That’s personal information and I already obliged your initial interaction with me, now you’ve overstepping your boundaries of common courtesy.” 

He says: “oh man it’s not like that don’t be like that” 

I said: “Sir let me explain something to you, when a REAL WOMAN speaks to you, that’s all she’s doing is speaking. IF she had an interest IN you, you’d know it! 

Now in regards to what I just said, is that NOT personal information that you asked me? Is that NOT you being nosey for your own personal gratification and attempt to befriend and possible have a sexual encounter with me?” He looks stupid and then says: “yeah whatever and walked away” I SMH and kept it moving… Some men are so desperate it’s pathetic.

I’m NOT a “mad or nasty black woman; not unless given a reason to be!”  

I am simply “irritated” by desperate men. Lately I’ve seen an increase in the desperateness of men. 

I’m irritated and disappointed. I’m irritated because NOT enough men have morals and self respect anymore. I’m disappointed because NOT enough men see, accept and are willing to change this. 

There’s a great deal of men who are “comfortable and content” with being the “maintenance man!” 

They pride themselves in being “on call/available” to any woman that calls on them for sex; money; companionship, etc. 

Yet, these same men “complain and often wonder” why they are single. 

They confide in women like myself that they actually “desire a relationship; but because of their routines and egotistical endeavors they aren’t certain they would fully trust or commit.” 

What I don’t understand is why “men” expect women to respect them, when they don’t respect themselves. 

I need men to understand the way you “begin with a woman is the way you should end with a woman!” In most cases, you do. Meaning if you want a woman that’s decent, you, yourself have to be decent! Not to mention, you have to stop “settling” for less than you need and deserve, just to avoid being alone or feeling unwanted. 

That statement “opposites attract is unrealistic.” In most cases, we attract “our heart’s desires.” 

Something happens to us externally, based on our internal intent/desires. 

I honestly believe that we release chemicals that causes our smile, hair, skin, walk, and speech to alter; which attracts (like a magnet) what lies within us. 

When I’ve only wanted a man for sex, those were “the type of men” I attracted and entertained. When I wanted a man for friendship or business purposes, “professional, decent men” where what I attracted. 

Now of course, you get “some off brands” in there regardless of your intent. That’s life! 

Men need to go back to “being content” with simply “speaking to” an attractive woman. Why do so many of you have the “urge” to go further? Why do some of you become “so upset or disrespectful” when ignored? 

Men regain your self respect and morals. STOP being so quick to “give of yourselves financially and sexually” to a woman, knowing that you want or need more. Also, knowing that once the excitement of the money and sex wears down, you’ll be bored and still unsatisfied. 

Take time when “courting” a woman, even those you only want a sexual relationship with. You’d be surprised at the “inconveniences” you save yourself from. 

Most times, if you take the time to “Get a woman’s attention” beyond your penis or purchase power; you’ll see whether she’s a good fit for sexual favors or a future wife. 

However, keep in mind that you too will be exposed. You need to be clear about your intents and desires; from the beginning. Don’t play mind or emotional games! 

Demand “reciprocation and respect!” Meaning DON’T be ignorant; thinking that you HAVE to pay for “all the meals!” Make her cook for you sometimes, then you return the gesture. Ask her about “treating you to a trip or shopping spree.” 

I’m all for a man being chivalrous; however I respect my husband and men like him who “Demand respect and reciprocation!” I’ve learned to cook, manage money and how to be romantic with and without money” all because of him demanding reciprocation and respect. 

My husband paid for “Everything” literally at least the first 2 1/2 years we were together; even when I worked prior to getting pregnant with Jr; he still paid for everything! I’m talking dinners, cabarets, hotels, clothes, my girlfriend(s), recreational indulgences, etc..

I didn’t begin to reciprocate until “I became pregnant” and began to cook for him. Once I had Jr and returned to work, we were already living together and married and my reciprocation increased. Even when I’ve lost jobs or self sabotaged them; my husband has been right there by my side. 

I understand what he’s willing to do and accept. I appreciate the lessons that he and men like him have taught, and continue to teach me. 

I appreciate the relationship that we’ve had since the beginning. Despite the fact, that I viewed my husband as my “meal ticket/sugar daddy!” I’ve always been the “have my own” type of woman; it’s how I was raised to be. 

I’ve never been 100% independent, meaning I haven’t “lived entirely on my own EVER.” I’ve always lived with a relative, close family friend or man I was in a relationship with. However, I’ve always provided for myself independently; with little to no help from others. 

So I appreciate having this relationship because I appreciate “being apart of a team.” I also appreciate being spoiled when I can’t spoil myself, however I take great pride in being able to provide for my husband and son. 

Get a woman that’s a “team player!” 

All I’m saying is regain your self respect. Learn your boundaries. Demand the things you need from people, not what you want for instant gratification. 

Life’s too short to be a grown ass man, that looks, acts and speaks like a boy! 


#CANDID WOMEN: Keep your home front tight HBIC style!

Originally Posted Tuesday, July 9, 2013




Am I the only person that sees a trend with Traci Steele and relationship drama? Is she being a peacemaker? Is she being selfish?
Here’s why I say that:
From what I’ve observed, Traci is all about LOYALTY; I give her “a pat on the back” for that. She doesn’t like being lied to, played with, or disrespected and embarrassed; especially publicly.
I’d like to know what Traci expected to accomplish from her “efforts” to bring Erica and Shay together to clear the air?
Now, in regards to Traci attempting to be the peacemaker between Erica and Shay (Bucky) again ruffled my feathers with her!
I still don’t understand “Why” she thought it was appropriate or “her place” to attempt to reconcile a relationship between two women that never existed and validate the presence of another who should not have been involved in the situation to begin with.
Traci needs to do some serious “self reflection” because she’s delusional right now!
She’s trying to advise and inform people of the happenings of; and on what to do in their relationships when she “doesn’t even have one!”
Not to mention, the relationship she did “have” was insignificant for the entire seven year duration.
I say insignificant because nothing “major” took place during their relationship. They had a son, I believe they lived together, Drew constantly cheated, Traci constantly settled for less in the name of love and having a family unit; does that not sum it up?
If their relationship was of any significance, the two of them, or at least one of them (in my opinion and experience) would have “found and maintained” a sincere, loving, relationship with someone by now.
However, in my opinion she’s still “in love” with Drew or at least the idea of him. She loves the attention that he gives to her, no matter how he gives it to her or where. She thrives off it.
She’s so delusional that she’s entertaining Drew to the extent she’s not even firmly planted in this relationship and already there’s cracks in her foundation.
She didn’t do her “recon or homework” on the man she’s currently dating (or was dating because the show is prerecorded); she didn’t date him for at least 6 months before trying to introduce him to Drew or Drew Jr. (She was like a child on the first day of school, in a fresh outfit; eager to *flaunt*); then last but not least, she’s continued to give Drew money for investments and has yet to receive any financial reciprocation or respect from him.
What was Traci’s motive in going to Rasheeda with the information regarding Kirk’s behavior at her event?
I respect what Traci did, I just don’t like “how” she did it.
I must admit that I’m torn regarding Traci’s actions concerning Kirk.
I agree to disagree with her actions.
I believe that as a woman, for the sake of their friendship she was right to inform her.
Despite, my discontent for people that pride themselves in “running telling that.” I have discontent because in my adolescence, I had a bad experience with a female coming to me with information.
She came to me, with what she believed to be pertinent information. I was forever changed from a confident person to insecure behind that conversation. Eventually my self esteem was restored and exaggerated. LOL
What I learned about him was that, he was honest with me. He was uninhibited. I also learned that she and several other females “like her” over the years, told me things only to distract me. They were distracting me because they’d either already slept with the guy I was dealing with; or were creating their plan to sleep with him.
The very females that were “running telling me this or that” were the same females I’ve caught with the guy; I’ve been privileged to overhear verbatim conversations and acts between the two and more!
Due to those incidents, I prefer to discover things for myself. I like knowing “exactly” what I’m dealing with.
However, I feel like Traci should have “called Rasheeda on the spot” to inform her of the incident.
I am the type of person that prides myself in handling things in a timely manner.
I do not like “time delays” as a matter of fact, I hate them! So, IF I were going to inform her, I would have done it on the spot. That way, there’s no room for “assumption or alterations” from Kirk or myself.
Kirk did that to himself as we all saw, because his behavior was highly inappropriate and selfish. I’m sure he knew that wasn’t what Rasheeda meant. Being the selfish person he is; he used her statement as the excuse to go out and “literally do him!” He was frustrated and basically acted out “sinned.”
God will deal with Kirk!
Repentance, accountability and a revised plan for his future are essential IF he wants to continue his marriage with Rasheeda.
That’s still based upon whether or not God lays that on her heart. Yet, based on what I’ve seen online they are still “hanging in there.”
He’s already made a public apology and given his sorry ass explanation.
REMEMBER: Kirk made a vow, not only to Rasheeda but to and before God; so trust me he will have his day! God will discipline him in “his time and in his way!” Kirk himself will be shocked by the disciplinary action taken in his life once it happens. The only way to attempt to “prevent” it is to repent, but that doesn’t mean because God forgives you; he won’t discipline you.
Ladies and Gentlemen beware…… People like Traci and Benzino (hell no I didn’t forget him, he’s an entirely separate blog post though LOL) ARE NOT friends!
These are people that “love to hate you.”
They love you because they admire you; respect you somewhat and aspire to be more like you and acquire the things in your possession or things remotely close.
They hate you because they aren’t you, and no matter what they do or how much they make; they may never have the things or people in their life as you have. They also hate you because they “can’t break you!”
Be careful about people “eager” to report to you or on you, the negatives in your relationship!
They are no different than customers who have one bad experience with a store and then they write defaming reviews online about the company.
My mother had a saying, “never tell someone something that you wouldn’t want to hear told to you in the street!” That statement should be an affirmation married people live by! Trust me, so many marriages may have been saved by just that M.O.
As a married woman, with single friends and family members, who have NEVER been married (quiet as kept some have never been engaged either); and some don’t have children. I can’t trust in them or rely on them for relevant information; because “they have NO experience in that field.”
*I know that’s my close-minded thinking* This is true! Yet, that thinking IS working for me. Had I listened to the aforementioned type of people, I wouldn’t have changed my life; married my husband/had our son; or be blogging right now!!!!
They only have opinions gathered through observations and conversations, but NO experience. I must say to you all “get some experience or get some business!”
Would you hire someone whose only been a chef to fly your jet; because they convinced you they could or should? LOL, IJS
Even I’ve obtained experience in the fields I wish to give my opinion on.
To be married, is to be on another level than your single peers and associates; mentally/spiritually/emotionally, physically, and financially!
Being a “Wife” and/or Mother to me means you’re a Matriarch!
Matriarch’s have certain responsibilities; not only to themselves, but those around them. There are certain moral and ethical standards that must be upheld at all times. In the event they aren’t upheld, the appearance of upholding should be in tact.
Spectators shouldn’t see or believe they see “your loose ends causing everything to unravel.”
Keep your spectators guessing; at all times!
I’ve had people who I “thought” were confidants or my ride or dies; “try” to ruin me.
I’m talking from “stalking and harassing me, dragging my name through the mud in the streets, social networking battles and even following and friending people in my circle” just to keep tabs on or give defaming reports about me.
What they forgot is “I keep records of almost everything.”
I just had to prove that to someone last year. I’m SMH and LMAO because the redemption was bittersweet.
However, my homefront was kept tight HBIC (head ^%&$% in charge) style “at all times!”
You will not betray me and stay with me!
Even some in my #Vault were thrown for a loop by my actions and reactions.
Some were even appalled at how efficiently I ex-communicated from them.
I love to quarantine and what I can’t quarantine must be destroyed or cease to exist.
Rasheeda, in my opinion has to learn how to be the “Boss Chick” that she proclaims to be; at all times and in all things!
Rasheeda, really needs to STOP I repeat STOP confiding in her mother, and other women who’ve never walked in her shoes and who obviously have no more self control than you.
You need levelheaded God fearing people right now to confide in. Not those who are going to “turn up with or for you!”
If you must confide in them, learn how to “quarantine” them. Your mother has no right “verbally or physically addressing or attacking Kirk regarding the matters at hand.”
Kirk is your husband and he is “obligated” to respond to and acknowledge you; but your mother has completely overstepped her boundaries. She should be thankful and grateful that Kirk has the respect for her that he does; otherwise she could’ve made your situation ten times worse.
She destroyed his property, she came on private property to do it (from how it appears on tv). She even went as far as threatening him with the statement “I’m not done with you yet!” Come on now, whose the “mature” person in all this?
Keep God first in all that you do. Ask God to guide you regarding your marriage. The only rule book for marriage is the word of God. Therefore God is the only opinion and/or punishment that you and your husband should concern yourselves with.
STOP divulging details about your spouse because you’d be amazed at how people “plan your downfall” simply because they “envy” what you have.
If you’re naive enough they will assist you if not manipulate you; into sabotaging your situation so that like them, you’d be single and ready to mingle too.
MOST single friends “HATE” to see their friends get married! Usually the ones that get married “like myself” are the “life of the party.”
So when we decide to “mature or turn down” people get in their feelings, because like a marriage… friendships are relationships that must be maintained and nobody likes being the “side piece or rebound.”
Friends tend to “feel this way” even if that’s not how we are treating them.
NOT ALL single friends are this way, but honestly speaking I haven’t met one yet that hasn’t screamed “divorce, do you, fuck that shit, etc..” in response to any issue or topic I’ve brought their way regarding marriage.
Be careful of those that claim to love and care for you.
Remember, people “Say they want to see you doing and feeling good” but REMEMBER it’s NEVER better than them. BEWARE of —–> #CrabsInABucket
Remember the key to keeping your home front tight, HBIC style is reminding people when it comes to your life, “God’s got this! Get some experience or get some business!”  ~HBIC


Originally Posted Tuesday, June 11, 2013


Once you’re a certain age and you have attained certain things in your life; you must not be “desperate” for relationships with anyone, not your mother; father; sister; brother etc.. especially when you know “their unhealthy” or “a lost cause!”

Just because you LOVE someone, doesn’t mean you have to subject yourself to their lives, nor do you have to interact with them. You owe nothing to anyone! God provides for us all!

I’ve ALWAYS been the type of person that “doesn’t accept bullshit in general” and it’s especially, not acceptable in my personal life! If your MY friend or spouse, then I expect you to reciprocate what I give and provide to you.

However, if a relationship “stresses me” more than it “blesses me” then it’s time to ex-communicate from that individual. I no longer “am desperate” as I once was, for friend/companionship!

I have accepted that I will ALWAYS have people that love me, that hate me and the ones that love to hate me yet simultaneously hate to love me. I’ve also accepted that because of my “brutal honesty” that’s even more the reason some people will forever be standoffish or blatantly offended!

I’m okay with that, because God created me and my life, for a purpose and obviously “people pleasing” is not what I’m destined to do. Teaching is!

Now to those who may not be as “confidant or cut throat” as I am; you all have “more work” ahead of you.

First you must “be clear” about what you are willing to give and what you need to receive in order to establish and maintain a productive relationship.

If the person that you’re dealing with is “constantly combative and uncompromising” then you have to make a conscious decision to “ex-communicate” because to maintain communication with someone who is obviously selfish, ignorant and narcissistic is unhealthy.

People that are “contractors or part time” in your life, don’t deserve your love or acknowledgement on a full time basis.

We have to accept that “giving up” is not a weakness! It is an impeccable display of strength and wisdom! It shows that you have enough pride, intellect and ability to move forward; because you deserve better!

People who “cling” to unhealthy people/relationships are “Extremely Insecure” and seriously need to do a self evaluation and figure out “exactly” why they are clinging to someone or something that’s unhealthy. This includes “overbearing, selfish, narcissistic” parents, spouses, siblings, etc… ”

Ask yourself: what is it about them that I can’t seem to let go, when they treat me/make me feel so bad about myself and my life? Why do I constantly “ask” them for help in the capacity that I haven’t received previously and probably won’t ever receive from this person?

If people truly and I mean truly = sincerely, and purely (free of expectations) love you; then they will make the necessary compromises, adjustments and gestures necessary to accommodate your relationship with them.

If they don’t make any alterations to their character in an effort to continue a healthy relationship with you,  then you know EXACTLY where you stand with them. Don’t over think “what’s right in your face as facts!”

Once you know “the truth” about a person and their character, YOU have the power to change your situation/relationship with them, otherwise you will be subjected to whatever they have for you.

What are you going to do? Be desperate or be “determined” to accept ONLY what you deserve?!


#CANDID Social Networking Pros and Cons

Originally Posted Sunday, June 2, 2013

Having Bipolar Disorders I & II + PTSD and raising a child with High Functioning Autism (HFA) Social Networking can be beneficial and detrimental simultaneously and for the same reasons. I’ve reached my “capacity” for social networking during this time.

First off, I’m extremely irritated by the “obsessive, narcissistic behaviors that social networking have exposed in my family and friends” There are people that I’ve learned so much about without even “saying a word to them and vice versa.”

I’ve also realized that people are “always” online, as if they have a moral obligation to update their status, post a pic on IG, tweet something, yet some of these same people have lost the competencies it takes to carry out a real life “relationship, job, etc….” These people are irritable with people in real life unless they are out clubbing or truly enjoying their families. I have also realized that because of my extreme attention to detail “I’ve seen way too much nonsense” and I’ve caught too many naive people being used as a portal into my life. You’d be amazed at the “Friends and followers” naive people get, once your enemy seeks to stalk, destroy or simply irritate you.

One thing about me that will NEVER change is, if you “Deal with, communicate with, are in a relationship, or an alliance with someone that I don’t like, I blatantly hate, or am simply not close to anymore” then YOUR access to me will be limited, if you any at all. I’ve operated this way since I was a young child and it works great for me!

People are bored with themselves, their lifestyles, their spouses/children, etc…. and social networking is just something more to do, especially for the insecure! You can login to your account and “pretend” to feel great, pretend to be doing great, pretend to be in a stable loving relationship, pretending to love your parents, pretending your children love you back, pretending you aren’t lonely, pretending anything you want to pretend about.

Yet, again in real life “being the Vaultkeeper” I know the truth! I know the backstories of many of you, especially those “who think their secrets are safe!” Child please! Just like some of my secrets are barely being held by a piece of tape, some of your secrets never received a seal to begin with! However I keep my opinions to myself, I archive everything I see, hear, and feel until the appropriate time!

This is that time!

I have “real life” issues, people and goals to deal with. I realized that the people I spend “ample time” socially networking with, wouldn’t spit on me if I were on fire!

So why am I wasting “my precious and valuable time” networking with people who honestly aren’t “Active or contributing” factors in my life. They aren’t active or contributing factors, because these people “only emotionally impact my life” which with my conditions is the worst way to impact my life! These people DO NOTHING for my family, and I mean nothing!

The most I’ve gained that I’ve been able to use or provide to my family, have been the people I’ve met online, the advice I’ve received and offered via my online Autism Support Groups/Discussions Boards.

Other than that, FB, Twitter and IG have completely “overwhelmed me” they have allowed me to see people for who they are, where they are in their life! I was doing great before I created a Facebook account in 2007.

I hadn’t had an online profile in almost 10 years when I created that. Now “again” I’m addicted as I was when I was a young child, however I’m an adult now, with “real life” things going on that I must attend to. I have accepted the fact that I’m not about that “online life” therefore it’s no sense in me continuing to mislead myself or others!

I have accepted the fact that if I needed help with anything especially my son, these people I socially network with “Have no relationship with me really, and majority have never met and will probably never grace the presence of my son” simply because of where we are in our lives right now. Not to mention, I’m over the e-vite and e-card crap!

I haven’t received a phone call to “attend” an event in so long that I don’t remember how it sounds or feels. It’s awkward every year for me, to actually “place a call” to my son’s closet friends parents to extend an invitation to accompany him for birthday cake and ice cream.

We have forgotten how to exist and enjoy each other in real life! If we can’t capture the moment for later review virtually, then we haven’t experienced anything!

When did this happen?

I remember some of my best “memories” I have no proof of and that’s how some things in life are meant to be “mentally.”

Nobody can download your data from your brain and use it against you later (unless you open your mouth) Nobody can spam or block you for the data you hold in your head, your memories are yours “unfiltered” and that’s how some things should be!

Live in the moment, not in the snapshot!

We are way too comfortable with “social networking.” We are so comfortable, that we’ve made it easy for employers to “Secretly discriminate and rightfully discriminate” against us based on behaviors outside of the workplace, that whether you all admit it or not; most if not in all cases, have a long term negative impact on your work ethics!

I am at a point in my life, where my undivided attention truly HAS to be on God 1st, then my family, then myself.

Everything and everyone else will have to get in where they fit in = when I make time, there will be time!

This is just food for thought.

This is my decision, based on my “needs” and my wants! With Love, HBIC_PHILANTHROPY